Metal Anarchy

Cold Slither, the fictional band that originated from a 1985 episode of “G.I Joe: A Real American Hero,” have released a new holiday track titled “Cobra Claws Are Coming To Town.” You can check that out below:

Members of the band commented:

Zartan:

“Well… Along with the persistent pestering by Torch and Ripper, Cobra Commander now has a new scheme to ensnare the masses with a… Ugh… Christmas song.

I, being the consummate professional, and of course gold being an easy persuader, was only too happy to oblige the dear Commander with the most shredding of holiday mayhem you’ll ever hear! I give you, “Cobra Claws are Coming Town”. You all remember the siege upon Keystone City right?! Hahahaha!!!”

Ripper:

“All’s I wanted for Xmas was to see the USS Flagg sink like a stone into the briny deep – well, that and maybe a new piledriver, but instead, the boss wanted us to sing a Christmas song, of all things! Then I thought, who am I to refuse our legions of screaming fans a little ‘oliday brainwa- er ‘eadbanging!”

Torch:

“It’s a bloomin’ treat to once again show the yobbos why we’re the best heavy metal band in the world!! Bludgers thought we was washed up, but we put out the best album of 2025! Didn’t think we could nail a Chrissie song, and we turn in a bloody ripper! And wait till you read the lyrics!! Least, I’ve heard they’re good. Reading ain’t me strong suit.”

Buzzer:

“Ehh, he’s not really a Joe guy like us. Maybe just something like “I likes me choo choo train… And me chainsaw too!” Ross, is that what you have him playing at the beginning of the video?”